You have five minutes to talk to your pets where they can fully understand every word you tell them. What do you say?

Please stay off the counter, and don't do dumb shit. I don't want to yell at you, but it's hard to not when you look me in the face while ignoring me.

I love you. Always. Even when I'm mad at you for doing dumb shit.

...and probably a bunch of other stuff, bc this isn't nearly even a tight 5