‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
A quarter of UK men over 42 do not have children. When that is not by choice, regret can grow into pain
cross-posted from: https://radiation.party/post/98607
[ comments | sourced from HackerNews ]
There is very little research into men who have not had children, although that is beginning to change. Research by Dr Robin Hadley has found that 25% of men over 42 do not have children – 5% more than women of the same age group.
Half of the men who are not fathers but wanted to be describe a huge grief and isolation from society. Almost 40% have experienced depression and a quarter feel a deep anger.
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I'm 47 and without kids, I was always indifferent to them and decided if I got with somebody who wanted one then it would happen, Once my sisters had kids I lost any remaining interest in the idea, I don't think I would be a good dad as a result of my indifference. My Mrs is very much not interested in them either, Not a good environment for a kid to grow up in I feel. Sometimes people think it's ok to ask why not, For me that question isn't a problem but I can understand how it might be a massive problem for those who wanted them and for whatever reason didn't get any.
I am slightly surprised by a quarter though, Had you asked me before I would have said a few percent tops...
My oldest best friend came up to me and said that he always saw that I liked kids and got on well with them but he never really got it. However, his wife wanted one so he went along with it, then the moment he held his daughter in his arms it all clicked. Given that he doesn't talk much and says even less about his feelings this was very touching and it's great for him but there are, presumably, other people who didn't have that Damascene conversion and that would be a nightmare.
So, yes, I fully appreciate where you are coming from there.