I think I weighed like 180-200lbs when I started and honestly I feel like my transition has been useless because of this and I should of been denied hrt. And I look super ugly
Oh that's just 80-90kg? Just like me (unless I'm closer to 100 haha I haven't measured in ages). Whaaaaat, that's totally fine. I mean it can feel awkward sometimes, it's neither girltwink nor giant queen xD but still it's fine. Stand up straight with your shoulders back, wearing a skirt that flares out a bit, and enjoy life :)