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I wanted to be a story board artist. I wanted to work in Animation. I just never could get work (and to be fair, I'm not the best artist). It broke my heart. I regret choosing a creative field for school. My lack of talent and forethought is something I regret. I live with the reprocussions of that choice every day. I cried when I watch Arcane. Not because of the story, but I so wished I could have been apart of that quality of artistry. Now I'm doomed to the same job I wanted to avoid because that's a I can do (customer service based). I've had multiple breakdowns since college and probably will until I die đ
I didn't think animation would be easy, or even fun, all the time. But I wonder nearly every day how it would of panned out if I made different choices, if I was smarter, more talented, more motivated, just a better human being. Since I'llikely be working until I die, I often think do "skipping" to the end.
As a random internet stranger I just wanted to say to keep hope and that I sincerely hope youâll find your way. The past is the past, fortunately, and all you have is the now. I always found peace in the saying that we make choices with the information we have at the time and we are always doing our best. You canât be angry at a past self that didnât know. Also! Life doesnât have to be grand to be worth living and your life is very worth living. Hope this doesnât come off as patronizing because itâs not meant to be, the feelings you are talking about are familiar to me too.
But they are just feelings, and we can nurture them, be kind to ourselves, and, if we want to, slowly let them go.