Is it normal to misgender yourself?

When I talk to myself, sometimes I call myself my dead name, or my gender I don't associate myself with. I am self-aware enough to know I've associated myself as male and [name] for thirty-seven years, but it annoys me I haven't made that connection in my brain somewhere that yes, I'm a girl, my name is Eshe. I feel it in my soul, so why is my brain being such an ass?