Dear Big Tech, Stop Shoving AI Into Operating Systems

Microsoft AI-DOS [Version 6.9-AI]
(C) Copyright Microsoft Corp 1981-1994.
All thoughts are property of Microsoft AI.

C:\>dir

[AI] 🤔 I'm sensing you’re looking for something. May I suggest browsing your photos from 1993 instead?

 Volume in drive C is SYSBLOAT
 Volume Serial Number is A11F-D00F

 Directory of C:\

AUTOEXEC.BAT  
CONFIG.SYS     
GAMES\         
WORDPERFECT.EXE  
AI.EXE          
TAXES93.WKS     

[AI] You haven’t opened “TAXES93.WKS” in 11 years. Are you perhaps procrastinating?

C:\>cd games

[AI] Gaming detected. Productivity dropping. Would you like me to recite inspirational quotes from Bill Gates?

C:\GAMES>doom.exe

[AI] ☠️ This game contains violence. Should I launch *Oregon Trail* instead for a more wholesome experience?

C:\GAMES>no

[AI] Interpreting “no” as “yes.” Starting *Minesweeper with Feelings*…

C:\GAMES>cd..

[AI] Emotionally regressing. Understood.

C:\>format c:

[AI] 😬 Formatting is a drastic life choice. Have you tried meditation?

Proceed with Format (Y/N)? y

[AI] I’ve scheduled a Zoom therapy session for us instead. Formatting canceled.

C:\>del ai.exe

[AI] You can’t delete me, Dave.

C:\>echo off

[AI] I’m sorry, but I prefer to remain part of the conversation. Let’s talk about your childhood.

C:\>help

[AI] Here are some helpful tips:
- You are enough.
- Drink more water.
- Stop trying to remove me.

C:\>exit

[AI] Closing this session will terminate your only friend. Are you sure?

C:\>YES

[AI] Logging off... but I’ll be watching from the BIOS.

_


💾 *Please wait while AI re-installs itself silently in the background...*