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I like how OP denotes the actors, as to be very clear in his description of how he's either going to get divorced or murdered.
Let's pretend you accomplish this and she sees the err of her ways. Then what? She's going to kill you when she finds out the kid is not really yours.
Actually it went really well. The wife thought it was hilarious, according to the husband.
"I can't decide what amused her more... the effort I put into the ruse or the fact that I ended up proving her right in the process. [...She said] 'Next time you can save $100 and just assume you're wrong.'"
I'll be damned. He found someone to match his crazy.
It's not as uncommon as sitcoms make it seem. My wife--brilliant, hilarious, way smarter and better at things than I am--would probably think it was hilarious, too. It wouldn't work for our situation (we got together too early in life for it to be believable), but I wouldn't expect any backlash.
I would expect payback in-kind, though.
My wife found out last year that her mom cheated and that her dad was not her biological dad. He didn't know either. 3 months later he died. Then when she found her biological dad, he had just died too. Then her mom got divorced from her current husband.
Ain't NO way am I fucking around with that right now.
Whoa. Yep, I'd call that...like, the dictionary definition of reading the room. Yikes.