The rituals make no sense to me at all. Everyday rituals are also weird, bearable. But to take time off, and then do, this. It exaggerates the feeling of non-belonging.
A lot of people aren't into this. A lot. They just stay quiet because they've been told they're wrong to not be into it. You're not alone here. Just do what makes you happy and wait it out. That's what I'm doing