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While 100% in the don't fake it camp, please also remember us men are not mind readers and our equipment works different. Much like with cooking and cleaning, if you don't tell us what we are doing wrong or better yet show us the right way, we are going to assume we did our part cause we got the result we wanted and you didn't complain or ask for something different.
Also a woman's ability to cum varies HIGHLY from person to person.
I'd say day to day as well, depending on many factors (stress, energy level, hormones, etc.)
Just communicate and see what's working or not, or if anything works at all. It will make the sex better for everyone involved.
I've noticed a pretty direct correlation with a woman's habit of masturbating and her ability to orgasm during sex. The chick I was seeing just before I went back to college, I'd believe it if you told me that I've played with her clit more than she ever has TO THIS DAY, and guess what? She never once gave me any suggestion on what she wanted me to do, I'm sure because she genuinely didn't know.
Funnily enough, your wife said the same thing.
Funnily enough, this is the case for men too. Hence all the "this has never happened to me before" memes on TV shows in the 90s and 00s.
Yes! Also, tell your male friends to communicate and actively ask what feels good!
Edit: Also