Personally I love the idea of a smart home only if its self hosted and running on fully open source software, also never put a gun near an unattended printer :3
Home assistant, as a central system (it basically let's you wire anything into anything!). The smart switches etc should be esp8266 or esp32 based. You can then flash either tasmota or esphome to them.
Since your server will likely be Linux based, it's open source all the way to the bare metal, (or at elast as close as possible).
My current system almost doesn't notice if the Internet dies. Also, if you nuke critical components, in the worst case, it still defaults to dumb control behaviour (physical switches still work etc).
I still know where the kill switches are however. I've also made sure it doesn't have control of anything mobile, other than the robo vacs, and I'm fairly sure I could take them in a fight.
There's still some various binaries. E.g. the expressif sdk generated code. However, it's far harder to sneak something nasty into it.
Codespace is at an extreme premium on microcontrollers. Kb, and even bytes matter. A big, complex bit of malware would take significant space, likely enough to be noticed quickly.
As for smaller, simpler malware, this is a possibility. However, due to their nature, microcontrollers get a lot more scrutiny of their outputs. Random data dumps to an unexpected external address would be caught VERY quickly.
This is compounded by the fact that it's not uncommon, at least in larger installs, to segregate IoT devices from the main network. It stops them cluttering it up, and slowing it down. This makes it easy to firewall off the network from the Internet. They can talk to each other, and the central coordinator, but only the coordinator can see the internet, unless explicitly allowed.
If my network were compromised via my smarthome setup, my first suspects would be the debian PC running home assistant, or my ubiquiti router. I've at least reduced my target area to business grade networking kit and a single Linux server. I'm not an impossible target, but far from a soft one.