Nato leaders agree not to mention World Cup to Donald Trump to avoid irritating him

Nato leaders have informally agreed not to mention the football World Cup to Donald Trump for fear of irritating the US president at a crucial time for the military alliance.

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In the first open acknowledgment of the strategy, the Belgian prime minister, Bart De Wever, told reporters in Ankara he would not be discussing his country’s 4-1 win over the US earlier this week.

Look, can everyone please do their best not to annoy the bumbling pedophile? Thank you - your cooperation is appreciated.