How do you feel atractive and not STuck anymore? :(

The Past couple of Days have been quite Shit honestly :(
\ Destroyed my 360 while taking it apart and wanting to do some Normal Maintance like refreshing the CPU Paste on it due to High Temperatures :(

And i havent uploaded a Youtube Video in quite a while and Life in general has just been poop :c
\ Friends are ghosting me and i just dont feel atractive at all or doing cool stuff in slightest and just feel stuck :c

Like i have a Comissions finished today that i had worked on for 2 Months due to Mood Issues :c
\ and the Comissioner was nice enough to still pay me out the 250€ i asked for as a frickin Joke basically more or less >.<
\ even the Program was very much simple even tho it had to be rewritetn twice due to the Comissioner misinterpreting certain Things and such :c

Like can i just not have a Shitty Past and Trouble talking with People for once :c
\ My Best Friend called me a Creep because i do a lot of Baby Talk because im stressed out and such Traumas :c

Dating Life isnt better anyways due to all Dating APps sucking Ass and me not wanting to pay to see the People liking me because they cant even write fucking Intros to me :(

Also sucks when your Sex Life only consisted of a BJ so far and your First Adult Boyfriend when you turned 19 dropping you for a 16 Year Old even tho they were 26 back then :c
\ Like im not even really that interested in Sex :(

Itd rather just have a 30+ Year Old Chubby Geek Gf to cosplay with or just play Video Games with :c
\ But i cant even get this due to me being beyond retarded and i just dont wanna keep my Hopes up anymore :c

I just dont think i can do it for longer even tho i wouldnt consider myself to be an Incel still :c
\ But im also beyond Weak as i havent done outside of Comissions any kind of Coding or Music or other Creative Work :c
\ Like everytime i wanna write a new Song because i have the Melody STuck in my Head or the Script for a new Youtube Video it just instantly dissapears :c

It just feels like there is so much pressure from every site right now :c and im in the Middle Hopeless and cant do Shit with it :c
\ Im just a Helpless dum dum Baby basically :c