by tomorrow morning at least one of the countless boulders on my shoulder will be relieved and I will finally be able to move forward with burying her and mourn her properly.

It is with a heavy heart that I report that, contrary to what my wife and I initially thought, she and not I carried the day.

We had prepared for the worst. I had read up on the various types of disaster recovery and I knew how to prepare for them. Her sudden passing was no different.

After reading all that, I still think we should have waited until she was sick to start digging though but apparently that didn't happen either. It seems like she just decided to pass after being overtired for a bit and then collapsed sometime during the middle of the night.

I'm just so torn over what to do now. I want to lay her body in the yard where she belonged so that she can lie next to her in peace, but I also want to honor her memory by continuing to dig as best I can along this shoulder of mine that once was her playground. I know this shoulder will eventually be relieved but for now the next great chasm in my life is about to begin.

I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.