What if you legitimately don't remember the alphabet that well during a field sobriety test because you never use it?

A field sobriety test cannot ever be used as evidence that you are sober in court. They can only be used by cops and prosecutors as evidence you were impaired.

There is never a good reason to submit to them. Cops aren't watching to see if you are sober. They are looking to see if you are impaired.

If you are drunk, hope they don't make you take a breathalyzer. Even then, you can refuse and they can make you take a blood test OR if you refuse that they take your license but they have less evidence you were drunk. I'm not entirely sure, but fairly certain they could get a warrant and compel a blood draw, but hopefully by that time you've sobered up a bit. You still forfeit your license.

If you are just a little intoxicated, the time between being pulled over and a phlebotomist takes your blood could be enough to be under the limit.

That said, even under the limit, they might still claim you were impaired anyway and hit you with the ticket/arrest anyway.

You will be breathalyzed and then you go on your way.

If you can't remember the alphabet, your education has failed you big time.

I would agree that the education system is broken and corrupt. But I also have a BBA and a STEM degree without ever having to memorize the alphabet so I really don't see it as that important. I did used to know it well but I don't think I've ever had to recall it much in about 30 years.
- Can elaborate on how the education system is corrupt? I'm a public school teacher and I would like to get in on the grift.

It's a trick. If you say I couldn't do that when sober, you failed

Do some countries really use dumb tests like this to enforce DUI laws? What?

Field sobriety tests are complete pseudoscience and only exist to gain evidence against you not to prove you're sober. You should never consent to them and if an officer asks you to take one you're already going to jail regardless.
Absolutely, you've never fallen down the youtube body cam footage rabbit hole?
- No? This all sounds so weird to me. Breathalyzers exist.

The cop will have one more piece of evidence to arrest you on. No dwi is made solely on you failing a single test, the judge would laugh their ass off for that. But when you tell one, "he was swerving across multiple lanes, smelled of alcoholic beverages, couldn't say the alphabet starting at e and ending at t, had XXX nystagmus (there's like three types they check for), did PZY clues on the walk and turn test, and admitted he had been at the bar an 'hour or so ago,'" they suddenly have a very different conception of what failing to remember the alphabet means.

Remember, don't answer any questions on a traffic stop, kiddos. It's always shut the fuck up friday. ALSO, fuck people who drive drunk, but mostly don't give cops the time of day if they ask, much less any other info.

Obligatory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE
I still don't get why the US sobriety tests are admissible by a judge. cops can just run a breathalyser test (or even a drug test), it's faster than all these weird test and more reliable.
If your going to arrest someone anyway , you can even get a blood/urine sample for a lab-grade drug search.
- The blood/urine/breath samples come AFTER the arrest. At least where I live, blood needs a warrant, which they aren't getting without enough 'evidence' to convince a judge. Hence the roadside sobriety tests. They can take a breath sample because the law requires that you give one if you have a driver's license (it's part of all the legal paperwork you sign when you get one), but you can't really force someone to give a breath sample because it's not a simple thing.
  The breathalyzer and blood are definitive tests, but they aren't needed for the arrest or the conviction. A cop that I know said the best cases were the ones where he stood a driver in front of his car's camera for about five seconds and you can see them visibly fall over or stumble while just trying to stand there. Criminal cases are always about convincing a jury, and that means that 'evidence' like a car swerving on the highway, the smell of alcoholic beverages, the field sobriety tests, the general appearance or manner of the driver, the statements made, etc., all matter.
I agree with never taking to cops. But if a cop says you're doing a sobriety test, you don't have a choice. Either do it or get suspended for a year. And they don't need a reason, all they have to do is say you were swerving or you smell like alcohol
- But if a cop says you’re doing a sobriety test, you don’t have a choice.
  Not correct. Field sobriety tests are 'voluntary' in all states in the US, although refusing to take one may be used as evidence against you in a trial, depending on the state. Likewise, you can refuse breathalyzer tests, although that may carry significant civil penalties.
- The land of the free, everyone.
Actual question, how do I not answer any questions? I feel like if I'm literally mute for the entire encounter then I'm getting charged for not cooperating.
- You should verbally indicate that you don't wish to answer questions rather than staying totally silent. That said, there are circumstances where cooperating can make your life easier if you're able to easily and clearly dispel the officer's suspicion, though this is highly dependent on situation and the specific cop you're dealing with. If you are doing something wrong the best thing is always to stfu.
- https://invidious.nerdvpn.de/watch?v=uqo5RYOp4nQ
  They explain it better than I can.

I thought this was a movie thing. Don't you have breath analyzers for real?

Breathalyzers are for if you want to find out if someone is actually intoxicated.
Field sobriety tests are for when you want to arrest someone who isn't intoxicated.
They have to have probable cause to arrest you (and then do a breathalyzer).
Not every officer has one and they can only determine if someone was under the influence of alcohol but not other substances
- Roadside breath tests arent admissible in court because they aren't certified testing devices. Only the one at the station with a record of maintenance is admissible.
- get each traffic cop one 2) there are similar devices for the rapid testing of drugs as well

I have a paranoid fear that some day I will be required to write an ampersand..

All forms of ampersand are based on "Et", Latin for "and", so cheat and use the backwards 3 (for E) forms.
The simplest puts a vertical bar through the backwards 3 like a relative of the dollar sign, and the other adds a t to it so that the middle point and the bottom line of the backwards 3 join up with the crossbar and base of the t. Bonus points for drawing that latter one without lifting your pen, but you're doing well if you still have to extend the t's crossbar after the fact.
Or really cheat and use the plus sign. That's just the t from "Et", but in the right context, most people instinctively understand it + will know what you mean.

I think a field sobriety test usually involves more then one test, at least if you can communicate a reasonable reason why you may fail one.

I believe they may also just look at your behaviour during the interaction.

“Couldn’t walk a straight line but mentioned a recent leg surgery”

Vs

“Couldn’t walk a straight line but believed they did, started an argument about it. Failed secondary test while continuing to insist they passed the first test”

There's a clear difference between someone who's drunk screwing up the alphabet, slurring, can't keep their eyes open, getting distracted, arguing with the cop, unbalanced, and someone just not really remembering the alphabet. If you're taking a field sobriety test, they're not really grading your knowledge of the alphabet, they're looking for signs of intoxication. If after all the tests (walk and turn, balance on one leg, looking at the horizon) the cop is still suspicious, you might do a breathalyzer, or be arrested and brought in for a blood test.