Don’t Worry, Our New Stadium Will Have an Endless, Gigantic Parking Lot (McSweeney’s)

We wanted our gargantuan parking lot to be unique, so we said goodbye to boring numbered lot sections. You don’t want to park in Lot A, Section 2. You want the excitement of remembering whether you left the car in the Verizon Lot or the GrubHub: Powered by Seamless—A DoorDash Experience Lot. Here’s a hint: You parked in the Dippin’ Dots Overflow Lot and your car was towed.

Poetry.